Is your teen in an abusive relationship?

With all the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and possible heartbreak, it can be scary for parents to think about their children dating. But even with all the aforementioned risk factors, there's an even darker side of dating.

In recent news reports, we have heard of some high profile celebrities struggling with dating violence. It is a very real issue that many teens face -- boys as well as girls.

In one study, 30 to 50 percent of high school girls disclosed that they had experienced some kind of dating violence. Due to the stigma associated with abuse, many teens don't even talk about it with their closest friends. This is why parents must be vigilant about educating their children about safe dating.

Taking time to sit down with your child to talk about dating violence and setting guidelines and rules can significantly reduce the risk your child faces.

It is important to know exactly where your child is at all times and that they be honest about who they are with and when they will be home.

It is also beneficial to get to know your child's friends, their parents, and the parents of their boyfriend/girlfriend.

It is necessary for all parents to be aware of the warning signs of abuse. Aside from obvious bruises and cuts, some things to look for include changes in mood or personality, a lack of opinions and ideas, a drop in grades, use of illegal substances, emotional outbursts, depression, isolation and frequent physical injuries.

These symptoms alone do not necessarily indicate that your child is in an abusive relationship, but they do indicate that there is a significant problem.

Again, talking to you child about their daily life and stressors can help to identify possible problems they are facing.

It's also a good idea to spend time with your child and their boyfriend/girlfriend to observe interactions.

Abusers generally try to isolate their partner from friends and family, and blame their partner for all the problems in the relationship. If someone has a history of substance abuse, abusive relationships, jealous and controlling behavior or explosive anger it is likely that the relationship is not healthy.

If you find your teen is in an abusive relationship, it is crucial that you approach the teen in a non-judgmental supportive way. They may not admit the abuse at first but will know that you are supportive and will disclose the information when they are ready. Be vigilant about keeping lines of communication open in a non-confrontational and supportive way. Acknowledge your teen's feelings and be patient if they do not follow your suggestions.

Gently remind them that what you are seeing is not healthy and that you feel they are in danger in the relationship.

Create a safety plan with your teen so that they know what to do in case of an emergency and find safer ways for your teen to see their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Also, make sure your teen knows that if they are in danger or feel unsafe, you will pick him/her up at anytime for any reason and hold up your end of the bargain.

Do not force your teen to end the relationship or give them ultimatums -- this is another form of power and control, which is what they are facing in the abusive relationship.

Even after an abusive relationship has ended, your teen may experience sadness, depression, and feelings of despair.

It is important to help your teen take positive steps to heal and move on to have healthy and loving relationships.

If you find yourself or your teen in this situation, help is available from organizations like Family Centers or other resources in the community.

Katey Smith is the coordinator of Family Centers' Reconnecting Families Program. Serving Greenwich, Stamford, Darien, New Canaan and Westchester County, NY, Family Centers is a United Way, New Canaan Community Foundation and Community Fund of Darien partner agency that offers counseling and support programs for children, adults and families. For information, call 203-869-4848 or visit www.familycenters.org.